I'm Dying Inside

I’m dying inside

I can’t help you anymore,

I may be addicted to you,

But you are a leech sucking the life out of me,

I can’t speak or think

Without you interrupting me.

I can’t live without you inside of me,

You are in my thoughts

My dream, my hopes and fears.

I may be stupid

Because I can’t let go.

You say should I stay or go?

But if you don’t know

Why are you still here?

I’m looking for attention and love,

A man by my side,

Not a boy who plays games and runs away.

Why can’t you just walk away?

Look at what you have done to me,

Rotting, corroded and decayed inside,

Nothing left but a numb black heart.

The voices inside my head scream louder and louder

Voices inside taunting me with all the things you said,

Trapped here listening to them.

I’m dying inside and you can’t see,

You mistake my smile for happiness

But it is bitterness that makes these dreams curl.

I drown every night in my dreams

And each night I die a little more.

 I am as damned as I seem,

I have more damage than a heart should ever see,

But don’t try to fix me,

I’m not broken,

How can you break a heart that wasn’t whole to begin with?

All I long for is love,

But I’m just searching for a miracle that will never be.

Anytime you need love, I am there,

Anytime you need a friend,

I am by your side to make things right,

But I am sick of being strong for you,

You are my demon that I just can’t face down,

I’m always running from you.

The only company I seek must be misery,

Because I am still here beside you.

I know I gave you have the power for so long,

I’m just so lost,

I’m giving up slowly,

But don’t point your finger when it’s stuck on a trigger

Why are you so defensive when it is you who is pretending?

I can’t see anything but you,

I can’t think, I can’t feel,

I’m not myself.

There is only you.

I look at the evening rain and I feel so tired,

So uninspired,

I see the darkness in your eyes that show me your soul,

What you see is not what you get,

There’s no light at the end of an endless tunnel,

What am I searching for?

Why do I want more?

There’s nothing left to say,

Sorry isn’t enough.

Because of you I play safe so I don’t get hurt,

I find it hard to trust myself and everyone else.

I can’t cry because it’s weakness in your eyes,

And mine.

I watched myself die every night in my dreams,

And every night my dreams fade further away.

Because of you all I want to do is forget everything,

I am so ashamed,

Ashamed of my life, myself, of everything

Because of you I can never let anyone else in,

I’m comfortably numb inside never feeling,

Never crying and slowly dying,

My heart is not breathing,

Magic and myth I no longer believe,

There are no heroes in life,

They never existed.

Is love even real?

Does it even exist?

I wish I could break your heart,

Some sign of emotion that you feel,

But you never feel me,

You never hear me,

You never loved me.